Is chivalry really dead? Is sex the only thing that matters to these men? Sometimes I just want to cry. Thinking I will end up alone. Single forever. I am not wanted. I try to hang on to hope but I am so tired of all these guys. I just discovered this guy from a few months ago blocked me on socials. I have no idea why. Seriously?!? What the hell did I do? And I only discovered it cause I was adding someone new from my contacts and discovered it. Why do so many people behave like that versus handling their issues head on. Whatever.
I reached out to Magda ‘cause she somehow always knows what to say. She says “Nothing is wrong with you! Oh. First of all, what a pussy. Second of all, pussy. Third of all, did I already say pussy?” LMAO I love this girl. “If he had a problem with you he should have directly told you. Of course you feel horrible because you fancied the guy and now you feel like a creep, understandable. But whatever is his reason for blocking you is cowardly.” She asks me are you a murderer? Psychopath? No. I am not.
Now I have had dates where the guy would message me and say ‘hey I didn’t feel anything between us and I wanted to let you know’. Like that’s being mature and an adult. Giving the person honestly and closure. So at least I know there are good ones out there.
Let me give you some date examples. Lol. I went out with this guy named Richard. First off, he told me right away to call him Dick. Ummm. No. I know it’s a common nickname but no. We were supposed to grab coffee at a local Starbucks. But if you know anything about me, I tend to get lost and often. So, he arrives and calls me to see where I am at. The only thing in sight was a McDonalds. He told me stay there and we can eat there. Great. He gets there and we hug, and go in. He buys me hot chocolate. It is completely empty and he’s like let’s go sit in my car. Now, mind you this was my first date ever!! His car was tiny and uncomfortable. We talked for about an hour and then I left. It gets worse. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so we made plans for a lunch date. He arrives about an hour late and complains about the food. Not only was our conversation boring but he was annoying. When the bill comes, we agree to go Dutch. I don’t know what happened, but I end up paying for it all. I get home after our date, and he has the audacity to text me, “Thanks for being my Sugar Momma.” Hell no. Never saw or spoke to him after that.
On another date, they guy shows up and looks like, nothing what his pictures were. His name was Brian and we met at a bar. He lied about his height, so during the entire date I was talking down to him. Not a deal breaker but if you lie…ughh. So, we have a few drinks (I pay for my own, since he never offered to), and I make a move to leave. I did not like him. He was rude, arrogant and only wanted to talk about money. He asks me if I had dinner ‘cause he was hungry and wanted to grab food. I said I wasn’t but he offered to buy me fries just so that I can keep him company. I am so stupid. I said sure. We sit down and he was automatically rude to our waiter. Then he proceeds to make a racist joke about the group of friends who are sitting across from us. Not a good first impression dude! I excuse myself to the ladies’ room and automatically call Lola. How am I supposed to get out of this? What do I do? Lola says just tell him you need to get home, that I am uncomfortable. Fine. That was the plan. Just be honest. I come out and he excuses himself to the bathroom. Without a moment’s hesitation, I get up and leave. I make a run for it. Lol. I have never done that before, but WOW. Lola couldn’t believe he ears when I told her. Still laughs about it to this day.
Then there’s Parker. Not worth writing a lot about. Less then 24 hours into matching he asks me to hang out. “Pick me up”, he says. He doesn’t have a car since he lives downtown and I get it. He gets into my car and we have no plans. Last minute idea, I ask him if he wants to go walk the docks near the lake. We go and he is cold. Should have worn a sweater over that T-shirt, idiot. We end up siting in my car. Then he starts feeling me up. Ummm no. I stop him and end the date automatically. Should have made him grab an Uber, but my nice ass drove him home.
There have been many more, but not worth mentioning. Nothing out of the ordinary. Some good ones, one great one. Now, I feel like there must be something wrong. Do I know what? Not really? Maybe that I believe in romance? Because I care too much? That I try to make that connection? I’m probably not pretty enough. Not skinny enough. I feel horrible about myself when things like this happen. I feel worthless.
Maybe I am too picky? That my standards are too high? That I want respect? Romance? Chemistry? Because I’m a virgin? Maybe I am crazy? That’s why these guys keep blocking me. (I am exaggerating. I have only been blocked 1-2 times, but still!) That I am too much. That I talk too much. Ask for too much. But then again, I have guy friends and they don’t say that. The fact that I have friends at all means there is nothing wrong with me. Otherwise I wouldn’t have any, right? Maybe these guys sense that I want more and they don’t want that. What’s the point of swiping and matching if you see in my bio that I looking for the opposite of what you want?!? Why do you start the conversation off with sex? I am probably looking in all the wrong places. Logically thinking, Tinder had the most users. All the other dating apps I have tried never got me out on any dates. My odds are better here. And it’s free.
Dating sucks. There is no formula for it. Although I haven’t been on that many. I keep swiping and it’s hard. Especially since I had one good date and I keep comparing to it. Trying to find one that’s better. Come on guys!! Like I have never received flowers. I have never had a dinner date or a date you see on TV. Why do they produce shows like the bachelor or bachelorette that create so much romance and these incredible dates that don’t exist in real life!! I want that.
I feel fucked up ‘cause of the way TV and society is portraying love. Why can’t I have someone like one of the bachelors? Who care about these girls. Who dance with them, who hold and kiss them, who make these kind gestures?? Is it all bullshit? These people all actors. All too beautiful. Not one bachelorette bigger than a size 9. Do the producers fake it all or get it from real life situations? Magda says these shows are all staged and artificial. Shit like that doesn’t happen in real life. I don’t know what is going on. I just want it to end.
Being a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture is a special kind of hell.